


If You Think That I’m Still Holding On (Juice x Reader)

by crimsonheart01



Series: Assorted SOA One-Shots & Imagines [19]
Category: Sons of Anarchy
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-10
Updated: 2018-01-10
Packaged: 2019-03-03 05:09:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13334148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crimsonheart01/pseuds/crimsonheart01
Summary: As princess of SAMCRO, falling in love with Juice may have been your worst idea.





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> **Playlist:**Love Yourself – Justin Bieber  
>  **Find Me On:** [Tumblr](https://crimsonheart01.tumblr.com/), [Wattpad](https://www.wattpad.com/user/crimsonheart01) or [FFN](https://www.fanfiction.net/u/6033058/crimsonheart01)

Your legs were folded underneath you as you sat in the corner of the couch in the clubhouse. Tig was regaling you with stories from their most recent. You made sure to laugh and comment at the proper intervals but found yourself too distracted. It was hard to pay attention to his story when the newest patch was leaned against the pool table, focussed on his shot. You admired the determination in his gaze. Your own gaze strayed briefly to his tattoos. You’d been surrounded around Sons your entire life, but he was different. He wasn’t the typical biker type. There was something unconventional about him. He was a techie, the proverbial geek. You never thought you’d see the day where you’d be crushing on a member of your father’s club, but alas here you were completely infatuated with Juan “Juice” Ortiz. There was only one problem. He didn’t seem to see you. He talked to you, he spent time with you, but he never treated you as anything more than who you were; the daughter of the President; SAMCRO’s Princess. You sighed, resting your chin in your palm. What did you need to do to catch his attention?

“Baby doll?” Tig’s voice interrupted your self-pity.

You turned towards him, “Hmm?”

He followed your gaze, raised an eyebrow and chuckled at you. He pulled you towards him and hugged you with one arm around your shoulders. You diverted your eyes, realizing that Tig knew exactly what was on your mind.

“You’re adorable.” He smiled as he kissed your forehead, “Go play some pool.” 

You gave him a small smile, thanking him in silence for not blowing your crush out of proportion. No one else knew. You’d never voiced how captivated you were with the Son out loud and you planned to keep it that way… for now.

You peeled yourself up off the couch and skipped over to the table and sidled up next to Happy. He was one of your favourites. You had an inkling of what his position in the club was, but no one ever told you anything. You were the President’s daughter. They coddled you to the point of insanity. You weren’t a child anymore. You were in your mid-twenties. Happy was one of the few men who treated you like an adult. He was also the one to teach you how to play and hustle at pool. You were a pro and it was because of him.

Hap’s gaze scanned over you as you leaned against the wall. Together you watched as Juice lined up his shot. You studied the table, assessing that Hap was winning by a mile but Juice never let on that he was bothered by it. After Juice missed his mark he glanced at Hap, signaling his turn. You waited to see what move Happy would make but instead he handed the pool cue to you. You stared at it for a moment and then made eye contact with Happy. He nodded to you still holding out the cue. You licked your lips and plucked the wood from his hands. On the other side of the table you heard a deep sigh and your gaze snapped over to Juice. He was staring at you, a blank expression on his face. You heart rate sped up and you had to squeeze your hands to make sure they weren’t shaking. You bent over the table, grinning inwardly. This was your chance to impress the man. This was where you could show him everything Hap taught you and more. This was your chance to start up a natural conversation with him.

You lined up a shot, bent over the table and pulled your arm back. You sank your first ball and continued to sink two more in succession. When you missed your fourth shot you glanced up at Juice with a bright smile on your face. It instantly fell when you caught the eye roll he produced. You furrowed your brow together, confused with the reaction. He wiped a hand down his face and aimed for the eight ball, sinking it and effectively ending the game. He dropped the cue down onto the table at the same time you heard Happy’s grumble behind you. Juice stalked away heading for the bar. You spun around and stared at Happy. Hap’s gaze was murderous and staring down Juice as he left. You shook your head, trying to figure out what happened and all you could come up with was that he was a sore loser? That didn’t make much sense since he lost on purpose but what other reason was there? You shrugged and decided it was a good idea to let him cool off.

“Up for a game?” You directed your question at Happy.

He gave a curt nod, “Yeah.”

**~(SOA)~**

Hours later, as the party was in full swing, you were starting to get restless. You found every reason to insert yourself into conversations and situations with Juice, but each time he brushed you off. He ignored any comments you made, or redirected the conversation to someone else. You had no idea what you’d done wrong. It was like he hated you. You fought the urge to cry. It was unnecessary. After being ignored for the fifth time you broke away from the group and seated yourself at the bar next to Piney.

He slid you a shot glass of Patron and you smiled, “Thanks old man.”

He nodded with a wink and you downed the shot.

“Sweetheart?” Someone clapped you on the back.

You turned and found Tig staring at you with veiled annoyance. You tilted your head, worried about his frame of mind.

“What’s up Tiggy?” You asked.

He kissed your cheek, “You need to tell Juice how you feel.”

“TIG!” You shout-whispered.

He laughed, “Really doll. It’s driving me mad. He needs to know. Walk right over there, kiss him and tell him that you want him.”

You shook your head, “I can’t do that.”

He pulled you off the stool and pushed you in Juice’s direction, “Yes you can. Show him what he’s missing.”

You clenched your teeth together and shuffled closer to your crush. You felt Tig’s eyes boring into your back you had to shake off the shiver building. You stepped up to Juice, standing next to him. He gave you a side glance and moved a step over, away from you.

“Juice?” You squeaked, your voice hoarse and tiny.

Surprised that your addressed him he turned, one eyebrow raised at you. You gazed down at your feet and wrung your hands together. You didn’t know what to do.

“Yeah?” He answered, wondering what your problem was.

You looked back up at him, slumping your shoulders together and let out a deep breath. You swallowed, his gaze still on you, “Uhm… I-I like you.”

“What?” He asked, confusion clear on his face.

You clenched your teeth together and sighed. There was only one way to really drive your point home. You reached up, grabbing each side of his cheek and pulled his face towards yours. You pressed a light kiss to his mouth before he registered what was happening. He yanked away from you causing you to stumble sideways.

“What are you doing!?” He hissed.

His face was contorted with disgust. He didn’t even have the decency to try and hide it. Your entire body tensed, sensing the wrong turn of events. Your eyes began watering and you strained the muscles in your face and neck, forcing yourself to keep a blank face.

“You think just because your Clay and Gemma’s daughter that you can strut around here and have whoever you want?” He berated you. You took a step backwards, “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. Why would I have any feelings for a spoiled brat like you?” His nostril flared as he continued, “The Princess of SAMCRO. You think you can just have whatever, or whoever you want?” He threw his hands up in the air, “Fuck that and fuck you. I’m not playing into your little royalty power play. I’m one thing you can’t have. Deal with that princess.”

You blinked half a dozen times, each of his words settling in deep within your consciousness. Everything you’ve ever felt about being Clay’s daughter now ingrained. You knew it. You always feared that the Sons felt that way about you and now it was being proven. It was true. None of them actually liked you. It was all just a game; a game to please their President. Instead of letting him see that he was breaking you down you nodded.

“Yeah… You’re right.” You mumbled, staring him straight in the eyes.

He turned his head sideways at you, a wild glint in his eyes. You continued to nod, before finally just walking around him. You came to the realization that the entire clubhouse was silent. Everyone heard. This wasn’t a situation you could emotionally process right now. You needed out of here right now. You took slow and deliberate steps towards the door. You heard bit of a kerfuffle behind you break out but couldn’t bring yourself to turn around. If someone was fighting Juice on your behalf, it was only because you were Clay and Gemma’s daughter. It didn’t mean anything.

“Y/N.” You heard Happy’s rasp from behind you.

Hearing him made the tears boil over. He was one of the ones who you thought was your friend. You ducked through the door, ignoring everyone and racing towards your car. You were done with this fucking club.

**~(SOA)~**

_Over a year later…._

“Hey baby.” Your mom spoke into the phone.

You grinned, kissing your fiancé on the cheek before walking into the next room, “Hey ma.”

“You coming to dinner tomorrow night?” She asked.

You shrugged, “I don’t know…” The answer trailed off.

“Come on baby. Only Jax and your dad know him. Everyone wants to officially meet your fiancé. He’s family now.” She preached.

You chuckled, “Ma… I don’t want to overwhelm him.

“Overwhelm me with what?” Your fiancé spoke from behind you.

You jumped and held the phone to your chest as you gasped. Your fiancé raised his eyebrows at you with a smirk on his face.

You rolled your eyes, “My mom is inviting us to dinner tomorrow night.”

“Yes.” He agreed, nodding, “Tell Gem I say yes.”

“Baby…” You warned, “It’s not just us going to be there. It’s a club dinner… Everyone will be there.”

He wrapped his arms around you, snatching your phone from your hands, “We’ll be there Gem. What do you need us to bring?”

You giggled, smacking his hand and taking your phone back. He bent forward and kissed your forehead as you continued to plan out what food you were going to bring tomorrow night.

**~(SOA)~**

He watched as your fiancé wrapped his arm around your shoulder. It infuriated him. He shoved his chair backwards and excused himself, stomping out of the dining room and into the kitchen. He stormed through the side door and around back. He ripped out his pack of cigarettes and lit one up, inhaling and relaxing with the exhale.

“Realize your mistake finally?” A deep voice came from behind him.

He jumped, startled to find his President standing at the end of the walkway. He went to shake his head as an indication of misunderstanding but Clay held up a hand.

“Everyone knew.” He explained, “Everyone watched as my daughter fawned all over you. I let it be because you never seemed interested. Then you went and broke her heart.” Juice froze, a chill settling over him. He pursed his lips together and Clay continued, “You said degrading, nasty things. Gemma was the one to convince us not to teach you a lesson.” The threat in Clay’s tone still very real, “No one talks to my girl that way. As a group, we gave you shit jobs – akin to a prospect. You needed the drudgery of work weighing down on you. I needed you far away from my daughter. She deserves better, always has. Now she has that.”

Everything started to come together. The last year and a bit making sense. He understood why all his brother’s had been treating him like shit. They were all furious with him, for treating you that way. He didn’t know.

Clay took a deep inhale from his cigar, “Now you can see what a catch that woman in there is. Now you get to feel the same way she did.”

Clay turned around, walking back towards the house and leaving Juice to his own thoughts. He replayed the night that he unleashed on you. He groaned out loud remembering all the horrible things he’d said. How he preyed on your insecurities and drove them deeper in. He was an idiot. He never assumed you genuinely liked him. He honestly thought you were just interested in him because he was new and you were the princess, always getting what you wanted. He never knew you’d never been involved with a Son before.

He rolled his head back, exhaling, “Shit.”


	2. Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Playlist:**Be Here Now – Ray LaMontagne  
>  **Find Me On:** [Tumblr](https://crimsonheart01.tumblr.com/), [Wattpad](https://www.wattpad.com/user/crimsonheart01) or [FFN](https://www.fanfiction.net/u/6033058/crimsonheart01)

You stood in front of the standing mirror, your arms lifted above your head and hands placed delicately into your hair. You sighed as the veil you purchased cascaded down your back stopping in the middle. You swallowed, fighting back the tears. You pulled the tulle over your head to mask your face. You parted your hair in the back, letting the waves fall down over your shoulders. Taking a deep breath you sank down onto the floor, folding your legs underneath you and stared into the mirror. You’d never get the chance to wear this ensemble. It was a day you dreamed of since you could remember. You wanted nothing more than to be loved, and love someone as much in return. You thought you’d found that in your ex-fiancé.

You reached out and traced your outline in the mirror. It turned out he was exactly like the men you were trying to avoid. You thought you’d found someone who was the complete opposite of the bikers you’d grown up with. You assumed that he was welcomed with open arms because of how much he doted on you. What you hadn’t realized was that he was easily corruptible. It didn’t take much coaxing from your brother for the man you loved to bed a slew of Crows. You sniffed, closed your eyes and rolled back the tears. There was nothing to cry about.

You played with the hem of the dress. You didn’t go for the typical cupcake topper dress like most women did. You wanted something sleek and smooth. A dress that would have easily been worn on the back of a Harley. A small hiccup caught in your thought. You hadn’t even had the chance to ask Clay to walk you down the aisle. Or that you wanted to ride in on the back of his Harley. Have him give you away. With a deep breath you smoothed your hands down your stomach, admiring the way the fabric felt beneath your palms.

You still recalled the smile on your mother’s face when you walked out of the dressing room. The first daughter of SAMCRO to tie the knot. You even caught the tears glistening in the corners of her eyes when she thought you weren’t looking. You stood tall that day. Filled with pride at the expression of love on your mothers face. One that had previously been emulated by the man who promised to be yours forever. Gemma was a proud mom that day. Too bad it was all for naught.

You closed your eyes, pulling the fabric up and adjusted your position to lay down on the floor. Curled onto your side. You felt empty inside. Your body panged with aches from loneliness. You never thought you’d have to relive this pain again. You pushed the veil away from your face and wiped the tears away from your cheeks. How had everything gone so wrong?

You zoned out, eyes focused on the same spot on the wall, directly underneath the mirror. In the upheaval that had become your life, there was one person who remained firm. Someone you’d avoided at all costs. Someone who had been the one to break the news to you. The one person you never expected to see so distraught over the turn of events. You’d figured he’d have wanted to see you hurt. You wondered what he was doing right now. Why had he seemed so hurt when he told you?

**~(SOA)~**

_~ Five weeks prior ~_

The clubhouse was still quiet, regardless of the fact that it was nearing two in the afternoon. Luckily for everyone it was a weekend and no one was expected to be working in the shop. Juice had always been an early riser. It didn’t matter how messed up he got the night before. It was a habit. A result of his underlying OCD. He took it upon himself to start the cleanup. All that role required was tracking down all the Crows and waking them. It was one of their unscripted jobs. Clean up after the parties. He rolled out of his bed pulling on his pants from the night before and grabbing a crisp white t-shirt from the drawer. As he padded down the hall, towards the main room, he pulled his tee over his head.

He stopped short upon turning the corner. This wasn’t a new sight for him. He’d seen countless Sons sprawled out on the couch with a Crow or two accompanying them. What enraged him to his core was that he hadn’t discovered a Son this time. No. This time it was different. This time he found a certain woman’s fiancé piled high in Crows. He didn’t even know it was possible for the Crows to switch allegiances so quickly. This man wasn’t a Son. He wore no cut.

He battled with his emotions internally. He wanted to chalk up his anger to the fact that it was that these woman slept with a man who didn’t wear a cut. He tried but it didn’t work. He knew, deep down, why it infuriated him. That man wasn’t supposed to be like him. He was supposed to make her happy. He was supposed to keep her from the pain he himself caused her a few years ago. That man was supposed to be the fix. Not the problem.

Turning away from the scene before him, he stomped down the hall towards his VP’s dorm room. He paused in front of the closed door. Worried that he might be interrupting something but decided it didn’t matter. There were more pressing issues at hand. He lifted his fist to the door and pounded on it three times. He pulled back and listened, hearing the faint groan of someone behind the door. Seconds later the door creaked open and Jackson’s head popped out, his eyes still clouded with sleep.

“What?” The blond demanded.

Juice ground his teeth together, “There’s something you need to see.”

Jackson creased his eyebrows together but he nodded. He closed the door, and Juice could hear the shuffling around. A minute later Jackson opened the door wearing jeans and a SAMCRO shirt. Juice turned and led his VP down the hallway and to the conundrum he’d found this morning. As he rounded the corner, he took a step to the left and let the brother of the soon to be bride make the discovery on his own. Jax stared in disbelief.

“Didn’t he leave half way through the party last night?” The blond hissed.

Juice shrugged, forcing himself not to pull the man on the couch through the front door and beat him to a pulp. No one hurt SAMCRO’s princess. Including himself. He’d learned that the hard way. While they both stood there in silence, the realization hit Juice like a truck.

“Jax…” Juice breathed, terrified at the very thought, “Someone needs to tell your sister.”

Both men were visibly furious, staring down at the man who had promised to make SAMCRO’s princess the happiest woman alive.

Jackson took a deep breath, “Not before Clay and I make an example out of him.”

“Let me get a taste, will you?” Juice asked.

Jax raised any eyebrow at his brother in leather. Juice wiped at his nose, avoiding the calculating gaze Jackson was giving him.

“Really?” Jax asked, “When? What changed?”

Juice shrugged, “The first dinner she brought him too. Seeing her with someone else made me realize I was wrong.”

Jax nodded, “You tell her.” He motioned to the scene in front of him, “It’ll be easier coming from you.”

**~(SOA)~**

You hadn’t planned this. It was the middle of the night and you’d debated the entire drive over whether or not you’d even get out of the car. You needed to know. You needed to understand why he seemed just as sad as you. Shouldn’t he be happy? Wasn’t this the fate he wanted for the spoiled SAMCRO princess? You already knew he didn’t like you. Why would he pretend to care just to pacify you?

You weren’t sure when the decision to track down some answers popped into your mind, but you found yourself on a mission. You even went as far as to sneak away from Bobby’s night watch of your apartment to find out what you wanted to know. When they found out that you snuck off they’d be furious but you didn’t care about that right now. What you really cared about was the façade a certain Son had adapted.

You pulled up to his house and parked along the street. You turned off the ignition and stared up into the dark front window. There was a faint glow and flickering of projected shadows. Maybe he was still awake. You inhaled deeply, gathered your remaining courage, hiked your dress up over your jeans and stomped up to his front door. Biting down on your lip you lifted a fist to the wood. You counted down in your head. Three. Two. One. You squeezed your eyes shut and thudded your fist against his door. As you waited for someone to answer a gust of wind blew up the walkway and nearly knocked you over. The veil you failed to take off and your hair bustled around your face, sticking in your mouth and eyes. You raised your hands to pull the tulle from your mouth, sputtering as your hair stuck to your teeth. You were in the middle of trying to right yourself when the door cracked open.

You gazed up to find Juice topless and staring at you in confusion. You swallowed your eyes locked onto the skull tattoo on his chest. You’d forgotten what he looked like without a shirt. It’d been so long since you’d spent any time around the Sons. You deliberately stayed away because of your harboured crush on this man. He must have realized your mind had stalled because he pulled the door open further and took a step forward. You were jolted out of your daze and snapped your eyes back to his.

“What are you doing here?” He murmured.

Without realizing it, you began bawling, “Why? Why are you being so nice to me?”

He opened his mouth to speak but closed it at a loss for words. His eyebrow arched but you didn’t let him try and fight his case.

“I know you hate me. Why are you pretending to care about my feelings now?” You ranted, “After all this time? It doesn’t make any sense. Isn’t this what you wanted for me? To have nothing? Didn’t you tell me I was just a spoiled little brat who always got her way? Aren’t you happy now that what I want isn’t happening?”

You heard the crack in your voice as you continued to yell at the man in front of you. You watched the pained expression that he wore as you brought up that fateful night from a few years ago. You broke down in his doorway, sinking to your knees and covering your face with your hands. Your sobs echoed into the night air and you gave up trying to contain your grief. This wasn’t how your life was supposed to pan out. You always thought you’d marry a Son but when he denied you, you moved in the complete opposite direction only to find yourself hurt once again. Why was it that this kept happening to you?

Juice crouched down in front of you and scooped you up into his arms. He cradled you towards his chest and carried you through his front door to his living room. You didn’t put up a fight. You were sure that you didn’t have anything left in you to fight for. He laid you out onto his couch, grabbed the throw off the back and wrapped it around you. Your eyes burned from all the crying, but you kept a close eye on him. He reached forward and with a ginger tug, he took the veil out from your haphazard half ponytail. He turned to the coffee table and held down the volume button, quieting the entire house.

Your eyes followed him as he stood up and pulled his burner out of his pocket. He held down one of the buttons and waited for an answer. While he waited for the call to be picked up he sat down on the table, facing you. He rolled his lips together, seemingly unsure about what to say, or do.

“Bobby?” He spoke suddenly. “No. Nothing’s wrong. Just wanted to tell you that she snuck away. Showed up on my doorstep.” There was a silence as he listened to the man on the other end, “Don’t worry about it. She can sleep here. I’ll take the couch, or floor or something. It’s fine. Tell Clay and Jax, ok?”

Bobby must have confirmed with him because he hung up the phone shortly after that. He flicked the phone shut and placed it down on the surface beside him. A long silence followed that phone call. One where you both studied one another, neither knowing where to pick up. You still felt the fresh pain from when he first rejected you, and now it was coupled with the pain of losing your former husband-to-be. Juice finally came to some short of conclusion because he sighed and slipped down onto the floor, kneeling in front of you.

“I must have the worst timing.” He murmured.

You furrowed your eyebrows and sat up. What was he going on about? He closed his eyes and inhaled.

“The answer…” He stalled, “…the reason i-is….”

You shook your head, “What are you talking about? What’s going on?”

“I think I’m in love with you.” He blurted out.

You froze. No. He was lying. This was some sick joke. You began shaking your head but he caught your hands in his effectively causing you to still again.

“Like I said. Worst timing.” He explained, “I was never going to say anything. I was content in knowing you’d found someone to love you. Someone to treat you better than I did.” He sighed, “And then… well then I found him.” You attempted to pull your hands back to you but he gripped them tighter. “I’ll understand if this isn’t something you want to pursue. I don’t deserve you but know that I’m here. I’ll always be here for you.”

Fresh tears leaked out of the corner of your eyes. You wanted to be mad. You really did. You wanted to fight him tooth and nail for his audacity to spring this on you now. At a time when you were so vulnerable. …but you couldn’t. All you knew was your younger self was rejoicing. You finally had the affection of the only Son you pined after. You pulled him towards you, pressing a sweet kiss to his cheek.

“Hold me. Please, just hold me.” You whispered, your voice hoarse.

Juice nodded and climbed onto the couch behind you. His arms wrapped around your middle and you laid you head back onto his shoulder. He lowered the both of you back down into the cushions and you snuggled into his embrace. This wasn’t an ideal situation but at least you found the comfort you’d desperately been looking for. You encased his arms underneath yours and closed your eyes. Tomorrow was a new day. Tomorrow you could address the absurdity of this situation. For now, well for now you’d just enjoy his strong arms wrapped around you. For now you’d inhale the familiar cologne he always wore. You’d revel in the warmth of his touch.


End file.
